8 insights from how to win friends and influence people
How to win friends and influence people is to me the greatest self help book ever written. It has plenty of examples of his advice in action. His message is closer to what I consider influence, which is working together and coming to a compromise. Applying pressure onto people might control them in the short term but you will run the risk of resentment and betrayal. Altering your behaviour to foster loyalty and likability is a great soft power play. There is time to play hard ball but that is few and far between. How you improve your relationships day to day has much more impact on your life.
1. “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
This is a superior outlook on life. Seeing the potential in people instead of lording over their floors. Analysed close enough, everyone will have some trait or skill that trumps yours. This gives us opportunity to learn from everyone we interact with. The negative can be applied to this as well. If someone exhibits a trait that you don’t want then use their example as a way to change.
2 “Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.”
Like everything in life, don’t use it, lose it. We put forth plenty of effort acquiring the knowledge that will benefit us, but it will be lost if we don’t use it. We must put into practice anything we learn that will improve us. Build it up until it is a habit and part of our identity.
3. “A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
Truer words have never been spoken. Behind our veneer of caring and selfless behaviour we are ultimately concerned with ourselves. Making a person feel he is gaining from a situation is the best practice for keeping them loyal. Always put their motives first and you will gain a edge. This does not mean putting yourself at a disadvantage.
4. “Every successful person loves the game. The chance to prove his worth, to excel, to win.”
I think this is hardwired into most ambitious people. They feel inadequate or stagnant and want to improve their position. I personally feel sorry for people with this outlook. Inducing ambition when needed is ideal, use it like a tool. People who cannot switch it off, often become unhappy. Habits play a large role into why people are successful. We become what we consistently do.
5. “Pay less attention to what men say. Just watch what they do.”
As you grow into a man you start to realise that most people talk a good game, but very few people follow through. Words are easy and are often forgotten by the speaker. Actions show people that your a man of your word. Do not be the man who promises the world and does not deliver. How to win friends and influence people has great stories and perspectives. Dale Carnegie does a great job in breaking down why a behaviour didn’t work and show you how the right behaviours can elevate your status.
6. “Ask questions instead of giving orders.”
Taking time to understand why the person thought that was the best course of action, is much better then scolding them. Questions give us insight. Asking the right questions will give you the answers you seek. No one likes to be given orders. Find what motivates them and they will do it at their own will.
7. “There is only one way to get the best of an argument — and that is to avoid it.”
I am half in on this message. Most of the time the argument is not worth having. They have their position and the chances of changing someone’s mind are slim. However sometimes arguments have to happen. Conflict is part of life and you cannot capitulate every time. If you stand for something and you feel it to be right then a argument might be viable.
8. “Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.”
Happiness is within. No external stimulus, be it material, pleasure, status etc will ever fill the void. Your mind is what governs your emotions and it is there that you will find your happiness. Distracting yourself will only make it worse. Stop running from your problems and work on yourself until you know what truly makes you happy.
